okay pat passed out under dana's car
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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