Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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