booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
