If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
