Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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