i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
