watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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