if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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