butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Is Oprah even human
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
