We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
