Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
