You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
