I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
