I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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