Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
