So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
