I want to have your abortion
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
