I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
