We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
