I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You made out with two different species that night
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
