Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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