I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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