he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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