I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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