Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
