Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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