Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
