you guys were way drunker than both of me
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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