I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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