i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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