hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
