Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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