Apparently you make a good broom.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
