direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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