She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
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I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
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Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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