I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The air was thick with penises
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
