guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
