is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
