In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
