Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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