do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
