I cockslap morals
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
