I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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