Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
