I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
