I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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