My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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