last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
