Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
