Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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