Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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