I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
