If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
