Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I woke up under a house in Key West
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
