My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
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All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
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YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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