plz talk dirty to me
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
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