Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
