I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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