theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
