So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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