I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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