theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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