i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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