You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
