I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
