I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize