when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
