i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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