Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
