3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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