she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
