I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
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No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
i need some magic done to my vagina
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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