God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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